There seems to be a bit of a demand for information on the subject of what a girl should say to compliment her boyfriend. It’s sweet in a way because it shows a good number of women out there who recognize their own needs who want to reciprocate the same for their partner. Unfortunately it is another example of the two sexes not realizing that the opposing sex has a completely different set of needs and desires.
What compliments can you give to the man in your life? What can you say to boost his self esteem? What does he want to or need to hear from the woman in his life? In all honesty, not much at all. In general the average male doesn’t need a compliment, but he does have two needs that are fairly similar.
To understand the male mentality on this subject, I’m going to return to the dog/puppy analogy. If you understand the basic needs of a male puppy, you’ll understand the needs of your average male. Both have a different set of priorities than your own. If you walked up to your dog and said, “My, what a fine coat you have. You look very attractive in it. Have you been working out?” The dog is going to give you a quizzical look and return to licking themselves, the compliment completely wasted on them.
To a human, most canine actions seems random or pointless, they run around, they bark, and periodically bring dead things in from the yard to plop down at your feet. To the dog, their actions make complete sense and are all very deliberate. They don’t bark to hear the sound of their own voices, they bark to protect you. If you could translate what they were saying it comes out to “This is my human and my human’s property. Stay away from my human because I love them.” As gross as it is, when they drag in a rotting corpse of a dead animal, they’re attempting to deliver two messages, “Look at what a mighty hunter I am to have defeated the smaller mammal. I bring you the spoils of my conquest to thank you for feeding and loving me.”
A dog doesn’t want a compliment, it wants acknowledgement for its achievements. Keep that in mind as we go on, and if you can understand the type of reaction a dog is looking for, you’ll understand the same when it comes to the male human counterpart.
Back to your boyfriend. Of all the things I’ve heard males complain about, not once have I ever heard one say, “She never tells me I’m pretty.” Number two on the top ten list of complaints about girlfriends is almost always either not being thanked for, or barely acknowledged for a gift or symbolic gesture of the boyfriend’s affection. “She didn’t like the present I got her,” “She didn’t say anything about the roses,” “I fixed all the broken things in her apartment and she acted like she didn’t even care.”
Just like a dog is physically incapable of saying “I love you,” so is the average guy. They don’t tend to express things verbally because, to them, that seems pointless. What they want is prove and express their feelings with an action that has a tangible result. They fix your car, they buy flowers, dinner, lend you CD’s, clean up the yard, repair various things, fix up your computer, or any other numerous things that a girl might not care about or assign any real significance to. It’s easy to overlook, but if you pay attention to all the little things a guy does, it’s his way of proving his worth to you. Every last one of these things means, “Look at what a capable person/provider I am. I bring you gifts because I love you. I fix all your things because surely I am the best possible mate for you who will continue to fix your things in the future.” You might not realize it but a man unclogging your toilet is his own way of advancing to the next level of commitment.
Back to the compliment. Again, a guy doesn’t need to be told he’s pretty. What he needs is to be acknowledged for whatever he does for you and, just like the dog, he expects nearly the identical verbal reward. If he spends the day working on your car, unclogging the rain gutters, mowing the grass, setting up your stereo, or whatever – the reward he wants is, “You are sooo sweet. Thank you so much. You take such good care of me.” He wants a positive reaction to the effort put forth. It’s a mans basic instinct to not vocalize feelings but rather to show them with his actions. Whoever he does the most for is the one he cares the most about. Even if he shrugs off the thanks or praise, it’s what he lives the most for and needs to hear specifically from the woman he loves.
Especially where gifts are concerned. I’ve seen too many times where a girl receives a gift and appreciates it with an internal warm glow, without expressing the feelings to the male gift giver. When that happens the male feels he’s not appreciated and tends not to bother with more gifts in the future. They’re looking for the squeal of excitement and happiness. The woman to throw her arms around him and kiss him on the cheek. Just like when a dog does something for you, it wants you to grab both sides of its face, shake its head and go, “Who’s a good boy? You’re a good boy, aren’t you?” A gift baring male is hoping for a similar reaction. If you are lucky enough to have a male who actually brings gifts, you have to make him feel appreciated. If your guy doesn’t bring presents, it probably means he was in a relationship before where the girl showed too much indifference towards his efforts.
If you’re not into the extreme reaction, there are a few simple phrases you can throw around that are almost as good. Practice say, “Aww, thank you,” “You’re so sweet,” “You’re so thoughtful,” or the one every guy wants to hear more than anything, “I don’t know what I would do without you/I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” Without this type of positive reinforcement, you’ll find that his interest in putting too much effort into further gifts/signs of affection will completely disappear. It’s a learned behavior. If he’s happy with the reaction he gets, he’s more prone to putting more effort into making you happy in the future.
Finally, the closest thing you can give compliment wise to a guy is acknowledging his interest. Males are competitive by nature and any interest or hobby they pick up, the goal is to be the best, most creative, or accomplished in that field. Mechanics, carpentry, music, sports trivia, cards, computers, games, drinking, entertainment, whatever endeavor they dump the mass of their time into (that you wished they would spend that time with you) is where they want your acknowledgment most. Where ever they put the biggest percentage of their free time, the secret desire is to hear, “Wow, you know more about (insert interest here) than anyone else I know.” Even if they don’t show it, if they hear that from the woman in their life, their chest puffs out a little more with pride for the rest of the day.
