What To Expect From Your New Boyfriend By The Music He Listens To

Top 40 – Shallow, probably spends more time looking in the mirror than you do. Also has a bigger secret crush on Justin than you did as a teen.

Heavy Metal – Personal hygiene will be questionable, prone to fits of violence. Will forget your birthday, your anniversary, and periodically forget where he parked his car or where he lives.

Goth – Will use your mascara, wear your stockings and leave runs in them, and spend time curled into a ball listening to Nine Inch Nails feeling sorry for his self. Will stalk you after you break up with him, including late night calls where he hangs up as soon as you speak.

Rap – Will act exactly as you’d expect a guy who’s favorite song is “Bitch slap the bitch across her bitch ass with my cock,” to act.

Punk – See Heavy Metal above, plus will slash your tires if you break up with him.

Emo – Will cry when you break up with him. Will cry if you hurt his feelings. Will cry if you make fun of him, and will cry if someone leaves a mean comment on one of his myspace pictures.

Psychedelic/World Music/Reggae – Makes the metal heads and punks smell good. Has a Marijuana plant growing in his closet, and once a week will rant about how it should be legal, completely forgetting he’s given you the exact same rant every week you’ve been together.

Country – Not very bright, found you attractive because you kind of look like his sister or cousin. If you break up with him, the authorities will be involved and the footage will end up on the next episode of COPS.

Frat Rock – He’s going to get into your pants if he has to get you drunk and wait till you pass out. On the bright side, he will eventually take over his Dads business and make a lot of money.

Jazz – dirty filthy little beatnik that will roll his eyes every time it’s obvious that you just “don’t get” his music.

Originally posted as a bulletin, numerous people wrote in, all mostly asking about the same two types of music that had been left off the list.

Techno – Any guy who listens to techno is not going to be your new boyfriend. He’s got a boyfriend of his own, and his boyfriend loves techno too.

Classical – If he’s listening to classical, there’s a good chance the guy in question isn’t your boyfriend, he’s your father. You should probably stop kissing him if this is the case.