Your Boyfriend

Your Boyfriend

Your boyfriend hates the way you drive.

Your boyfriend hates your pet.

Your boyfriend thinks all other guys are gay.

Your Boyfriend thinks the term "cornhole" is really funny.

Your boyfriend thinks about fucking your sister/best friend every time he gets mad at you – even if she’s not all that cute.

Your boyfriend has at least once wondered what it would be like to do your mom. And that guy you were dating your senior year? He was thinking the same thing about your dad.

Your boyfriend does think that you should lose a little weight but he's not going to admit it for fear that you might stop having sex with him.

Your boyfriend thinks he’s smarter than you. If he didn’t he wouldn’t be dating you. Smart girls who can make up their own minds are scary, intimidating and are most likely lesbians.

Your boyfriend actually does respect you. If by respect you mean likes to have sex with.

Your boyfriend likes stupid sluts. Hot girls with big tits who wear underwear with cute sayings on them – just like the pair he bought you.

Your boyfriend’s beer gut gets bigger the less you fuck him. Have you noticed that? Here’s something to think about, if his gut starts getting smaller and you’re not fucking him - he’s fucking someone else.

Your boyfriend actually liked that thing you did with your finger that one time, he’s just to embarrassed to admit it. Do it again tonight, he’ll thank you for it.

Your boyfriend is going to post all those pictures you let him take of you onto the internet about five minutes after you break up with him. You know that, right?

Your boyfriend constantly flips channels on the TV. Why does he do this? Simple, he’s looking for something. What is he looking for? If you pay close attention there are five things that will grab your boyfriends attention enough that he flips back to that station to watch, if not just briefly. Your boyfriend will always stop and watch shows that have:
- Midgets
- People shooting at each other
- Boobs
- Kung-fu fighting
- Nazis

Your boyfriend didn’t cheat on you that time because he liked her better or thought she was prettier. Hell, given the choice he probably does prefer you. He slept with her because she wasn’t you and he hadn’t fucked her yet.

Your boyfriend isn’t always thinking about sex. Sometimes he’s thinking about taking a dump or fart jokes.

Your boyfriend will fuck anything, seriously. If you don’t believe me, don’t fuck him for a month, then go out of town leaving a cantaloupe in the fridge. It wasn’t there when you got back, was it? And you know he hates cantaloupe.

Your boyfriend doesn’t care about any of the following things –
- Your new dress
- Your new shoes
- What a great bargain you got on your new shoes and dress
- Anything any of your friends did or said ever
- Anything you buy for the kitchen that he can’t eat, drink or fuck

Your boyfriend is always late because he has no concept of time. It makes sense if you consider that he thinks that “going all night” is a five minute time period. Let’s not even get into his fucked up grasp of measurements.

Your boyfriend not only doesn’t think about you when he masturbates, he’s probably not even thinking about you when he’s having sex with you.

Your boyfriend thought that last joke was really, really funny. What an insensitive jerk. You should dump him and have sex with me.