Confessions

Remember when you found your panties a bit askew in your panty drawer and it got you hot thinking about your boyfriend smelling them while you were at work? Well, he wasn’t smelling them. He was wearing them. Don’t fret about it, it’s natural.

I’ll be honest. I did not try on your lipstick like you keep accusing me of. When my friends were over and we got drunk, I thought it would be funny to put the lipstick on your dog's lips. That’s why I never kiss you when you wear that shade. Now can we drop the subject?

Remember when I said I was going out of town with the guys to watch the home team playing in another stadium and you thought it was kind of strange that when I got back I didn’t have much to say about the game? Well I might not have been completely honest. It would be more accurate if you replaced ‘stadium’ with ‘strip club,’ ‘home team,’ with ‘strippers,’ and ‘watching them play’ with ‘have sex with.’ I did go with the guys out of town to do it though.

Yes I looked at that girl when she walked by, how else am I supposed to see her boobs?

No, just because I fucked her doesn’t mean I love her, don’t be dense. You think I fucked you the first time because I loved you? Of course not. I fucked her because you were out of town and she let me. Why do you have to make everything more complicated than it is?

Remember when I chased after you and you agreed to go on a date with me? Remember that we went out and had such a great time that you let me fuck you on the first date, then called your friends the next morning and told them how wonderful I was? Well, I did something different the next day. First thing I did that morning was comb through my pubs to make sure you didn’t give me lice, then bragged to all my friends that I got laid. That’s what you get for giving me what I wanted.

I only do you doggy style because you like it. It has nothing to do with it the fact that it’s a whole lot easier to imagine I’m fucking your sister/best friend when I can’t see your face.

I found that story you told about what happened at work today really funny and interesting. My favorite part was when you talked about that thing. Can we have sex now?

Yes, we’re curious to what it taste like. We’re just not that curious.

I hate your favorite group. Your favorite group really sucks but I accept this because it’s a scientifically proven fact that all women have crappy taste in music. Let’s face it, you either listen to some whinny “empowered” dyke who needs to find the right cock or some pretty boy top forty group who’s style over substance sound fits your personality perfectly.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll listen to it while you’re playing it and will never complain because that would be making waves and prevent me from getting laid. Just know that I really, really hate the music you always play and it takes considerable amount of control and restraint on my behalf not to puke every time you say, “mind if I put something on to listen to.”
Oh, and while we’re on the subject, you know how I told you how much I loved “our” song that you picked out for us? I lied.