How Can You Prolong A Male’s Performance

How Can You Prolong A Male’s Performance

Here's a question for you. How do I get my boyfriend to take a little longer in bed? I'm not asking for miracles here but I'd guess it takes me about 5-10 minutes to hit that first orgasm and the boy hasn't even gotten that far. At this point I'm not even worried about having decent multiple orgasm sex...I'd just like to have something that goes on for long enough to not be considered foreplay.

P.S. - Pouting and bitching isn't working either.

Serious issue here, which we’ll handle seriously…mostly. Mostly seriously because it’s no laughing matter. Unless it’s happening to another guy, then it’s pretty damn funny. But, seriously, there is an answer. As usual, to find out the solution, we must first fully understand the problem, and where it stems from.

So, why are so many guys trigger happy in bed? You’d think as much time as the average guy puts into getting into a girls pants, he’d want to hang out there as long as possible. Maybe he’s worried she’ll figure out how big of losers he is before he finishes, and wants to bust a nut before she changes her mind.

Actually, the problem comes from guys being raised to be goal orientated. From sports, to driving, to careers, or even video games, a male is brought up to define a goal, then achieve it as quickly as possible. Something that, unfortunately, most guys transfer to every other aspect of their lives. They consume food instead of eating it, slam beers instead of sipping wines, and perform in the bedroom like an Olympic sprinter on speed. “Get in, get off, get out.” On the bright side, unlike many other male issues, this is a learned behavior and not an innate one. You can counter for it, with time.

The most direct route is getting him to switch his goals on a conscious level from getting off to getting his partner off. If he knows that the first priority should be the girl’s pleasure, it makes a world of difference in his performance. Bringing the issue up directly can be uncomfortable at best, so you’ll most likely want to use the less direct route, correcting his behavior with out him realizing you’re doing it.

One thing to stress, you’ll not correct it by using the same techniques that were utilized to get him into that mind set to begin with. Calling him a “limp dicked girly man” worked for the gym coach to get him to run faster, but it’s not going to have the effect you’re looking for, unless a drunken mess with anger issues is what you’re after.

First off, communicate with him. Most guys are frighteningly ignorant in what makes a girl happy in bed. Why? For the same reason they’re idiots in every other way in making a girl happy, you won’t tell us what you want. You want us to figure it out, which is in direct conflict with the goal of getting off as quickly as possible.

Learn this phrase; “let’s try something new.” It works great in the bedroom, and won’t do you a damn bit of good anywhere else. Guys hate that phrase when it comes to activities like new places to eat, culture, or anything that interferes with sitting on the couch watching TV. But in the bedroom they can’t hear it enough – provided it’s brought up as something new and adventitious and not as “let’s do something new because what you’re doing right now really sucks, and not in the good way.”

You have to teach him that sex is not foreplay. Keep in mind that when you mention foreplay, everything you say to him will sound like some strange and foreign language that he can’t understand, so you’ll have to teach by example. While, “will you give me a massage” sounds like a chore, “will you strip me down and rub your hands all over my naked body” on the other hand is pretty cool.

Flat out ask him to kiss your back, to lick your skin, to touch you where you want to be touched, and how you like to be touched there, because he’s afraid try it on his own for fear of being yelled at or breaking something. And it’s very important that you let him know that you like it. Moan, make noises, reward his effort. Let him know when he’s doing something right and he’ll be more likely to start exploring on his own. Wait for him to figure it out, you’re going to be waiting a long time. Not communicating that you like something he’s doing, he’s going to stop doing it.

Do the same for him. Touch, kiss, explore. If you’re going to spend any amount of time with him, it’s a long time to stick to the missionary position for ten minutes. Get him to play with you, and scream your fool head off. Make your pleasure his reward; once he sees the effect it has on you, he’ll switch from the goal of just getting himself off. And if he doesn’t, then it’s time to move on.

Once real foreplay is introduced, then you can start working on ways to extend his performance. There’s a few small tricks that you can use to extend it briefly, like holding him tightly at the bottom of his shaft to keep him from popping too soon, but that really only adds a minute or two. There are two main ways to improve his longevity and performance.

First, switch positions often. Think about him as a runner shooting down the track to the finish line at lighting fast speed, which isn’t what you want. If you want to keep a runner from his goal, you trip him or put hurdles in his way. Let him get a few strokes (uh, you’re boyfriend, not the runner) then stop him. Every time you put a ten second pause, he has to start over. The faster he goes, the faster he finishes. Counter with either staying on top and controlling the speed, or making him stop to switch to a new position. Eventually these delays help build up stamina.

The second method is getting him off twice. For most guys, the first one is quick. Give him an hour or so, and the next will last a little longer, but don’t give him that much time. Sixty-nine or oral works well. Get him off then get on him with no time to recover. Go right for penetration. That should give you the five to ten minutes you want.

Or, if you’re not into oral, just don’t stop once he cums. Give him about ten seconds after sex to catch his breath without pulling it out, then go back to it. Handling it like that keeps you five minutes in, and him starting all over again. It might be a bit rough on him the first few times, so make it worth his wild by being vocal in what you’re getting out of it. He can’t please you unless he knows that he’s pleasing you.

It does take time. The only quick fixes I can offer is getting him coked out of his head or filling the condom with a topical anesthesia. You just have to train him or he’ll never figure it out. Don’t approach it to him, or even in your mind, as him being bad in bed. Think of it as making him good in bed, work with him, and he’ll get there in time.

Why Guys Can't Commit

Commitment issues – that one comes up a lot when looking at relationships. More often than not, a woman doesn’t want to go to sleep alone or wake up alone. A guy on the other hand doesn’t want to get into an empty bed. Waking up alone is just fine with us and if you can take the trash out when you leave – that would be great. Don’t worry though; we’ll call you later. Honest.

Now, I’ll always default many of my arguments to basic genetics and the fact that, while we’re evolved animals, we might not be as highly evolved as we’d like to think we are. But you’re right, we have come along ways as a society to where the “guys are genetically programmed to knock up as many able bodied females as possible” excuse has gotten old. Surely left over monkey DNA can be conquered by advancements as a civilization and, after thirty plus thousand years, we are a long ways from the cave by this point.

Well, let’s switch then from nature to nurture. Right back to the tabla rosa of childhood where our minds are being formed by our environment through not only what we observe in the family setting, but also from the games we play and the toys we play with.

Male or female, we start with toys geared at preparing us for the corporate work place - ABC blocks to spell words we haven’t learned yet, things that rattle and things that you try and cram into other things even though they don’t fit. It really doesn’t matter because at that age, the value of a toy is based solely on the two factors of if you can make it fit in your mouth and how it tastes when in there (come to think of it, some of us never get past that system). Yup, all-powerful lessons that have helped me get this far in life. Outside of some color bias, there’s not too much difference between the upbringings of a male or female baby (in fact, the last acceptable time where both sexes can get away with peeing standing up and the whole ugly toilet lid subject is still years away from becoming an issue).

About the time we learn to walk, we hit the ‘icky’ gap that will exist between us up until the ‘cootie’ phase – boys head through the blue door, girls through the pink, where they’ll stay separated in activities for roughly ten years until, all of a sudden, the opposite sex becomes interesting again and the males will have no idea what to do about this new found interest. Until then, the sexes go their different ways to learn the needed skills to prepare them for adulthood.

Girls, here’s your toy oven so you can learn to bake. Your unrealistically proportioned, plastic, dress up doll that will teach you the importance of fashion and looking good for your man - while strengthening the fact your body will never look as good as you’d like it to. Here’s your doll’s rich boyfriend who has no genitals – since you’ll lose all interest in that area once you have access to his bank account. Here’s a toy broom and a toy mop to go with your toy kitchen, where you can wash your toy dishes when you’re done with your tea party. Most importantly, here’s your toy baby doll – the more realistic the better. This one pukes, pees, and can eat real food that makes a really dirty diaper. The baby doll also is programmed to wake you up at three in the morning screaming to be feed (actually, I think that model was recalled).

Is it gender based brainwashing? Yes, it is. But the fact of the matter is, it is reality based. At least you’re honing something practical and learning qualities that would help either gender in real life. You think your brainwashing is bad? Let’s look in on the boys.

The first few years after walking we learn the basics – how to be a cop and protect the peace by shooting robbers dead with guns. Then we move up to how to be an army solider and how to protect people in other countries (that we know nothing about) by shooting them dead with guns. Finally, to confuse things, we learn how to be cowboys preventing indigenous people from stealing their lands back by shooting them dead with guns. The initial gun phase only last a few years before we start concentrating on the skills that will actually benefit us as adults.

We have to learn how to overthrow evil galactic empires or preventing the Earth from being invaded by space aliens (this is all done through lasers). How to kill a dragon (turns out you hit them with sticks – sorry, no amount of imagination makes you believe it’s a sword). How to board a pirate ship and fight pirates (or vice versa – how to be a pirate and plunder doubloons – either way it’s still done with more sticks). Finally, there’s how to defeat space robots who turn into other mechanical things (the answer to that one is having the robot who either turns into a tank or into a really honking big gun).

The education continues well into our teens. Where our female counter parts are now honing their skills like putting on make up and dressing up, we males have graduated to one of two things. Either sports, or fighting zombies. The last one might surprise you, but if you’re dating a male roughly between the ages of twenty to forty, chances are they have a prepared contingency plan for if the undead rise from their graves. Seriously, go ask your boyfriend. You may have to push, but if you get him talking about it, don’t be surprised if he pulls out diagrams on how to reinforce their home or apartment to fight off zombies.

Now, if they’re not imaginative enough to follow the above syllabus, they probably placed sports – but the same principles apply to what we’re being taught our entire lives – how to work with a group of guys to overcome something. The scenarios are all basically ridiculous, but there’s a definite repetition of a theme in all this. Something crosses you, challenges you, is broken or needs fixed, or needs made right – you get a group of guys together to beat the challenge (preferably with guns or at least some form of explosives).

That’s why the concept of playing house, both as a child or an adult, is lost on most guys. How do you play house? Who’s the bad guy? Who should we shoot or what needs to be blown up? You have the tea party just to have it? What’s the catch? Is it like a mystery? Is the stuffed bunny going to poison the tea? Do we need to shoot the bunny? Can we at least do some repair work on the table to keep it from wobbling? We need a bad guy to kill or at least fix something.

The closest thing we’ll ever get to just doing something for the sake of doing it doesn’t come till we’re adults, and that’s barbequing. Even that’s not really close. If you’ve ever watched a group of guy’s barbequing, it’s a far cry from the serenity of a tea party. We force dominance over nature with the fire, prove that we can overcome any wind that would thwart us, that we can defeat the rawest of any meat with our fire, and finally compete with each other to who can drink the most beer and eat the most barbeque.

Everything in the male sphere of influence centers on these two principles – a balance between competition and fellowship. Watching sports, drinking, eating, playing pool, cards, working on cars – solve the problem, have friends help you and battle for the position of alpha male the entire time.

Now here’s the catch – when we’re done, the instinct is to move to the next level of conquest – the next obstacle to overcome. By the time we’re adults, we know how to battle Cobra, how to defeat the Decepticons, how to storm Snake Mountain, and how to rescue the princess. The problem being – the princess is always in the next castle. There’s a chick in a dress with a tiara who’s not the one we’re searching for – so off to the next level and the next castle we go.

What To Expect From Your New Boyfriend By The Music He Listens To

Top 40 – Shallow, probably spends more time looking in the mirror than you do. Also has a bigger secret crush on Justin than you did as a teen.

Heavy Metal – Personal hygiene will be questionable, prone to fits of violence. Will forget your birthday, your anniversary, and periodically forget where he parked his car or where he lives.

Goth – Will use your mascara, wear your stockings and leave runs in them, and spend time curled into a ball listening to Nine Inch Nails feeling sorry for his self. Will stalk you after you break up with him, including late night calls where he hangs up as soon as you speak.

Rap – Will act exactly as you’d expect a guy who’s favorite song is “Bitch slap the bitch across her bitch ass with my cock,” to act.

Punk – See Heavy Metal above, plus will slash your tires if you break up with him.

Emo – Will cry when you break up with him. Will cry if you hurt his feelings. Will cry if you make fun of him, and will cry if someone leaves a mean comment on one of his myspace pictures.

Psychedelic/World Music/Reggae – Makes the metal heads and punks smell good. Has a Marijuana plant growing in his closet, and once a week will rant about how it should be legal, completely forgetting he’s given you the exact same rant every week you’ve been together.

Country – Not very bright, found you attractive because you kind of look like his sister or cousin. If you break up with him, the authorities will be involved and the footage will end up on the next episode of COPS.

Frat Rock – He’s going to get into your pants if he has to get you drunk and wait till you pass out. On the bright side, he will eventually take over his Dads business and make a lot of money.

Jazz – dirty filthy little beatnik that will roll his eyes every time it’s obvious that you just “don’t get” his music.

Originally posted as a bulletin, numerous people wrote in, all mostly asking about the same two types of music that had been left off the list.

Techno – Any guy who listens to techno is not going to be your new boyfriend. He’s got a boyfriend of his own, and his boyfriend loves techno too.

Classical – If he’s listening to classical, there’s a good chance the guy in question isn’t your boyfriend, he’s your father. You should probably stop kissing him if this is the case.